Awards fever time again…

I have been so neglectful of this poor little blog of late, and feeling rather self indulgent in the work I have been doing too! I wanted to share with you guys a little post to show you a bit of what I have been up to as I’ve been quietly working away in the background.

So, this coming Saturday is the first day of judging for the 2013 Qld Professional Photography Awards. You may remember that I had a pretty exciting time of the whole awards thing last year (have a read about it here: Last year’s APPA post), and I have been working so very, very hard as I hope to realise my dream and goal of bettering last year’s results.

Now, I have to say, that me being me, I have put so much effort and energy into it, that in retrospect, I think I have actually completely blown my chances. So typical of neurotic lil ole me! I overthought it to the point of sitting there at 4am, last Thursday morning, only a few hours before the submission deadline, looking at my prints all sprawled out across my studio, and still unable to decide which ones to actually enter, and more so, which categories to enter them into.

In the end, I pretty much through my hands in the air in exasperation and thought to myself “Well, I’ve done the best that I can at this point in my career/life, so what will be, will be”.

I know that I probably put waaaaaaay too much importance on this whole awards process thing, but to me, it is more than just an “award”. It is about proving to myself that I am more than just a mum of 5, who spends many of her days in her PJs slaving away on the computer. It is about proving to myself that one doesn’t need to have the most expensive and high end equipment to make beautiful art that appeals to people. It is about creating a legacy for my children and my husband to thank them for all of the effort that they put into supporting me. It is about proving to myself that I am worthy, that I am accepted by my peers.

If you look back through history, you will see that many of the most talented and respective artists in the world have struggled through their careers with some pretty major issues of self-worth, depression and the like. I am not different. In fact, at times, it seems as though my entire life is about fighting my own inner demons, just to be able to function at a level that is considered as “normal” by society.

I had a pretty intense and emotional childhood at the hands of bullies, and adults who were judgemental of my single parent family, in a small, affluent mining town, where we were not one of the “affluent miners”. Combined with lots of family issues, this has resulted in me being extremely tough on myself in all aspects of my life, and especially in my work.

Anyways, I have no idea how I turned this into a “poor me” post, but suffice to say, to me, “Awards” are not just about stroking my own ego, or marketing, or whatever, but rather are a much more a part of a personal and introspective journey that I am on.

So, I can’t share with you, the images that I have been working on just yet. However, I *can* share with you the images that I chose *not* to enter! And so, here you go, these are the images that didn’t make the cut, and which have been sitting here next to me, for the past few days as if menacingly whispering “you should have entered me!”.

Enjoy!